Pain

When did you become so precious?

I would not dare to set you down

without a crown in the guest of honor’s seat.

Wild eyed and gaunt, foaming at the mouth

or cowering and shaking under the table.

You were always an awkward date.

Sweet, delicate Pain.

My heart. My lover. My student. My guru. My desert. My rain.

The day we part will be the end of me and a world

thus far defined by thee. What a spectacular day comes next

once the textbook case of poor me is finally laid to rest.

As I leave you at the altar, will the sentimental memories

of our long faltering walks over trembling cliffs

dissolve back into the light of our stardust selves ?

Is that how it goes?

Teacher, I’m over my schoolgirl crush.

You sucked the blush from this cheek,

tucked me into crisp white sheets and kissed me like a drunk mother.

You ripped me from my wonder to stare knowing in the face.

No doubts. No beautiful wandering clueless walkabout.

Just you, my cruel darling, skewing proof and stewing in your juice,

like you do.

That’s the trouble with the knowing you bestowed

when you burst my bubble.

I was fascinated when you left me for useless

in the rubble on the floor.

I waited so long for you to move me to the door.

I rolled myself over and over the coals until it just got old.

In truth, now you bore me to my core.